Setting Boundaries in Addiction Recovery

Setting Boundaries in Addiction Recovery: Reclaim Control, Rebuild Trust, and Find Healing at Purpose Healing Center.

Communicating Boundaries to Loved Ones

No matter what kind of boundary you’re setting with a loved one, here are some tips you can use. Many people find that setting healthy boundaries becomes more comfortable as time goes on.

If you’re in the beginning stages of learning to set boundaries or have a history of enabling or toxic and codependent relationships, seek support and use positive self-talk throughout the process.

Include a Direct Action

When setting a boundary, be sure to include an action you can take if the person on the receiving end does not respect it. For example, “If drugs or alcohol are present, I will leave,” or “If you continue to raise your voice, I will need to hang up the phone.” This gives you the power to respect yourself and your boundaries, even if the other person does not.

Use the Sandwich Technique

Start and end your sentence by saying something positive, with the boundary in the middle. For example, “Thank you for talking with me about this. I need to go to a meeting right now, so I need to get off the phone. I love you and will call you back when I get home.” The sandwich technique is a common communication strategy that can be helpful in various situations, including establishing personal boundaries.

Enforce the Boundary

Maintaining healthy boundaries includes enforcing them, even if the other person does not respect them. When establishing healthy boundaries, it’s important to follow through. For example, if you say that you will leave if drugs are present, follow through and leave.

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When Someone Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries

There are a lot of challenges that can come up in the process of learning to set and enforce boundaries. One of the main hurdles we notice people face when learning to set and enforce boundaries is either pushback or the fear of getting pushback from someone else.

When someone fails to respect your boundaries, doesn’t understand the concept of boundaries, or pushes back, it often means that they do not have healthy boundaries. Alternatively, a loved one who pushes you to drink could be someone who is struggling with alcoholism or some other form of addiction themselves.

Someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries might even be so lucky that they do not understand addiction because they’ve never dealt with it; they could be preoccupied and unaware.

Whatever the case may be, thinking about the reason someone else struggles with understanding and respecting boundaries can help you contextualize things. Don’t fold or threaten your safety by going back on recovery boundaries when this happens. Practice self-compassion instead.

How Treatment Helps With Boundary Setting

At Purpose Healing Center, we combine multiple types of therapy to support your recovery process. This will include individual, group, and, if applicable, family therapy.

• Individual therapy lets you process how you feel about setting boundaries one-on-one with your therapist. Often, individual therapy also gives you the chance to practice setting boundaries through roleplay with your therapist. For example, your therapist might pretend to be your loved one during a session, and you might pretend to set boundaries with them in that session. If you’re worried that a loved one will give you a hard time, your therapist might act that out and help you work through the fear.
• Group therapy gives you the chance to talk about setting boundaries with other people who know what you’re going through. With a group therapist present, you and your group might practice skills, discuss problems that have emerged in your life and how boundaries can help, or troubleshoot what to say and how to take care of yourself as you set boundaries.
• Family therapy sessions can help with boundary setting in a more hands-on way–specifically, if you need to set boundaries with members of your family unit. Family therapy is great for helping family members understand each other, communicate, and support one another. With a licensed therapist present, it can be easier to have tough discussions with loved ones.

Self-care is always vital, but people who are learning to set boundaries may want to put special emphasis on their self-care. Our treatment programs will help you learn healthy coping mechanisms, build or rebuild trusting relationships, and form routines that support your long-term sober life.