Help for Parents of Adult Addicts

Purpose Healing Center: Your Partner in Addressing Adult Addiction Within the Family

Set Boundaries with Your Addicted Adult Child

Setting boundaries doesn’t suggest that you are cutting off your child from all love and support. Instead, it suggests that you are ready to protect your emotional wellness and hold them accountable for their behaviors.

A typical example is parents with good intentions who give money to their adult child to pay their cell phone bill. That money often does not go to pay the bill as intended, but to seek drugs or alcohol. In the long run, this enabling behavior may delay going to rehab to start detox.

Creating healthy boundaries can feel cruel or unkind at first. Remember that you will gain a sense of peace by prioritizing taking care of your own needs.

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Recognize the Signs of Manipulation or Codependency

Adult children who struggle with addiction cause parents and family members to slip into unhealthy behaviors, often without noticing them. Loved ones are acting out of love, but the addiction can turn into manipulation and codependency.

Signs of Manipulation and Codependency that Affect Families

Watch for these signs of a manipulative adult child with a substance use disorder:

• The adult child uses guilt to gain a sense of control over the lives of other family members.
• The parents sacrifice their needs – or those of other sons or daughters – to keep the peace.
• Friends and family save the struggling person with addiction from legal or financial consequences.
• They make siblings or parents feel responsible for their behavior or choices.
• The entire family walks on eggshells to avoid triggering one child.

If you see these patterns in your life, your child may be manipulating you or feeding off of codependency. These issues are perfect topics for discussion in a therapeutic environment.

What to Say (and Not to Say) to Encourage Them to Seek Treatment

Ask any other parents who have faced the same challenges, and they’ll undoubtedly tell you that getting an adult child to accept addiction treatment was one of the toughest hurdles they’ve faced in life.

Here are a few ways to talk about rehab, showing that you want to help your adult child stop suffering from substance use:

• “I am worried because I love you.” This reminds the child that you’re an ally, not an enemy.
• “I’ve noticed a few things that concern me lately.” This phrase focuses on a certain behavior and avoids a confrontation.
• “You deserve addiction treatment and professional support, and I’ll help you get it.” Deep down, your adult child probably wants to end the substance abuse; this statement positions you as someone sharing that goal.
• “I cant fix the addiction for you, but I’ll be here to listen when you’re ready.”

These words can encourage your adult son or daughter to seek recovery. They also convey your support and love.

Consider an Intervention

If your child refuses recovery with your gentle support and guidance, an intervention can make a more powerful statement. Work with a professional interventionist to come up with strategies to confront your child about the addiction in a supportive setting that shows you want to help them accept sobriety.

Interventions don’t mean blaming your child for the behaviors they exhibit during addiction; they are all about showing them how you want them to start the recovery journey and returning to the family that loves them.

What if They Refuse Substance Abuse Treatment?

When someone still chooses addiction over healing at an intervention, a set of clear consequences must come into play. It’s hard to deny your son or daughter a helping hand with money, food, or shelter, but it’s important to follow through with any consequences.

Some consider this “raising the bottom,” instead of letting them hit rock bottom…which could mean overdose of death.