What Is The Laundry List for Adult Children of Alcoholics?

Addressing the Issues That Adult Children of Alcoholics Face

If you are the child of a parent (or parents) who abused alcohol, you may be familiar with some the difficulties and baggage this can leave us with in adulthood.

Studies confirm that adult children of alcoholics can face a range of challenges. Some of these include: more interpersonal problems, higher levels of emotional distress, or substance abuse. These symptoms may interfere with your life and even impact your happiness.

Reflecting on the traits you have developed as an adult child of an alcoholic can help you overcome them. One resource often used by the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA), a 12-step group, is the “laundry list” for adult children of alcoholics.

So, what is the “laundry list” for adult children of alcoholics?

Purpose Healing Center treats trauma and other mental health concerns affecting adult children of alcoholics. We know better than anyone that people who grew up to alcoholics and dysfunctional families can break the cycle and thrive.

Today, we invite you to read below as we discuss the ACOA laundry list and how to start healing.

What is the Laundry List for Adult Children of Alcoholics?

The original laundry list of adult children of alcoholics is a list of fourteen common traits many adult children of alcoholics share. It isn’t a fixed science. Instead, it can be a valuable framework for understanding the traits you might have as the adult child of an alcoholic.

There’s also the other laundry list. The other laundry list gives a fuller picture of how adult children are affected by alcoholism and family dysfunction. If you don’t see yourself in the traits the original laundry list describes, you might resonate with this one.

For both the laundry list and the other laundry list, each of the fourteen traits has a flip side. The “flip side” of laundry list traits shows what overcoming the traits can look like. In other words, it gives adult children a framework for healing.

These lists can be found on the Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization website for free. They’re also published in The Big Red Book, an Adult Children of Alcoholics text.

Understanding ACOA Laundry List Traits

The laundry list is a recommended starting piece of literature if you’re wondering whether the Adult Children of Alcoholics community is right for you. These traits can apply to adult children from families that are dysfunctional for any reason (not just alcoholism).

The original laundry list traits read:

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims, and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and it’s easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us to not look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to love people we can “pity” or “rescue.”
10. We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much.
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

If you identify these traits in yourself, you can start the process of overcoming your family’s destructive attitudes and patterns.

What are the Impacts of Childhood Trauma on the Inner Child?

Survivors of childhood trauma may develop negative beliefs about themselves. These beliefs can harm the inner child and seriously affect adult life. For example, you might struggle with your sense of self-worth, avoid relationships, or enter intense, dependent relationships.

All adult children of alcoholics are, ultimately, affected differently. Some people become highly perfectionistic; others struggle with impulsivity and behavioral problems. Some develop substance use disorders themselves; others do not.

Growing up with a parent who is an alcoholic is a traumatic event. Even if parents have many redeeming traits, it does not mean that their alcoholism will not affect a child or adult child. You can heal your inner child with support.

Healing and Support for Adult Children of Alcoholics

There are various resources open to adult children of alcoholics and otherwise dysfunctional families. Here are some common help and support options.

• Support group meetings. These may include Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA), Al-Anon, or Nar-Anon meetings.
• If you have childhood trauma, seeking professional support is recommended.

Purpose Healing Center provides trauma-informed care for survivors. Our outpatient trauma treatment programs let survivors balance intensive therapy with other life activities, like work, while living at home.

The Path to Moving Forward for Adult Children of Alcoholics

Therapy can help adult children of alcoholics make the progress they want to make. Goal-setting can be an important part of the therapy process. Examples of goals you might focus on include, but aren’t limited to:

• Working toward interdependent relationships (rather than dependent relationships or being rigidly self-sufficient).
• Learning healthy emotion regulation skills (rather than suppressing emotions or using unhealthy coping skills).
• Relieving symptoms of mental health disorders, like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• Developing conflict resolution and communication skills.
• Getting a job, going to school, or building their career.
• Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Our therapists are here to help you set and meet your own unique goals. We know better than anyone that people who grew up with alcoholics and dysfunctional families can break the cycle and thrive.

Call Purpose for Compassionate Therapeutic Support in Arizona

Purpose Healing Center provides evidence-based, trauma-informed care for adult children of alcoholics and other unhealthy family dynamics. With locations in Phoenix and Scottsdale, we use a highly personalized, whole-person approach for all clients.

We provide a full continuum of care for substance abuse and mental health. Our centers accept most types of insurance, including AHCCCS and many private insurance plans in-network.

Please call our admissions line confidentially to learn more about therapy for adult children of alcoholics today.

FAQs About the Laundry List for Adult Children of Alcoholics

What is Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA)?

Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families is a 12-step program. Through support group meetings, literature, and guidance, the goal of the program is to help adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families heal.

What attachment style do children of alcoholics have?

Children of alcoholics typically have insecure attachment styles. For example, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or fearful avoidant attachment.

How does an alcoholic parent affect children?

When you grow up with a parent with alcoholism, you can experience various impacts. For example:

• A compulsive need for control and perfectionism.
• Self-doubt that limits your current ability to reach goals.
• People pleasing or an intense fear of making other people angry.
• Dysregulated or unmanageable emotions.
• Holding in your feelings or difficulty expressing emotions.
• Anger.

Reflecting honestly on how a parent’s substance abuse affected you can be the first step toward overcoming these effects.

 

References

1. Hinrichs, J., Defife, J., & Westen, D. (2011, July). Personality subtypes in adolescent and adult children of Alcoholics: A two-part study. The Journal of nervous and mental disease.
2. The laundry list. Adult Children of Alcoholics Dysfunctional Families. (n.d.).
3. Adult Child Laundry list traits. Adult Children of Alcoholics Dysfunctional Families. (n.d.-a).
4. Parolin, M., Simonelli, A., Mapelli, D., Sacco, M., & Cristofalo, P. (2016, June 16). Parental substance abuse as an early traumatic event. preliminary findings on neuropsychological and personality functioning in young drug addicts exposed to drugs early. Frontiers in psychology.