When to Walk Away from Someone with Mental Illness

Knowing When It’s Time To Part Ways Due to Mental Illness

How do you know when to walk away from someone with mental illness? That’s a tricky question to answer. On the one hand, you may feel loyalty or love toward someone with mental illness, and you might feel like it’s your duty to stand by them and provide support.

At the same time, you need to value your own life and establish healthy boundaries. Below, we’ll talk about some ways you can think about this important decision as you determine if it is time to walk away.

Whether you stay with someone dealing with mental health struggles or not, that individual deserves to get the professional help they need. That’s what we can offer here at Purpose Healing Center. Those seeking treatment can call us at any time to talk about the problems they are facing and seek support in a welcoming and safe environment. Keep reading to learn more, and you can certainly encourage the person in your life to call our mental health professionals confidentially at any time for support.

The Complexity of Mental Illness in a Relationship

When someone you care about struggles with mental illness, your relationship can quickly become complicated. Whether it’s depressive symptoms, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, PTSD, or anything else, mental health struggles are sure to take a toll on both of you.

At first, you will feel like being supportive. You want the best for their well being, and you might put your own needs to the side for a while. That could be okay temporarily, but it’s not a recipe for a lasting relationship that is healthy. Self care is important for you, and trying to care for your emotional health while being the support system for someone else can become too much to bear.

There is also the potential for physical abuse to develop in this situation. To be sure, not all relationships where one person is dealing with mental health problems become violent, but some do. If that line is crossed, your physical health, and your own mental health, will suddenly be at risk.

How Mental Illness Impacts Relationship Dynamics

It is not the case that mental illness automatically and immediately ruins a relationship. Life is more complicated than that. Plenty of people have spouses and family members with mental health issues and they are able to work through them together.

With that said, it’s important to watch for signs of how issues with emotional well being might be harming your relationship so you can act in a timely and appropriate manner.

Emotional Instability

With conditions like bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, for example, emotional instability is common. This reality can make it hard for significant others to feel loved and valued. There will be good periods of closeness, followed shortly by sudden withdrawal or irritability. These ups and downs are sure to wear on anyone, no matter how patient or loving.

Communication Breakdowns

Powerful mental health symptoms make it hard to communicate openly with others. And, of course, communication is a central building block in a good relationship. When communication breaks down, misunderstandings will pile up and both people can feel unheard in the end.

There is an emotional exhaustion that comes with always feeling like you can’t get on the same page with your partner.

Dependency and Caregiver Burnout

If you are feeling more like a caregiver than a partner in your relationship, that burden will become heavy in time. The relationship changes and your own well being will inevitably fall off.

This is particularly hard if your partner refuses to seek professional guidance, as the burden of offering that guidance then falls on you.

Boundary Violations

Harmful behavior and emotional abuse are not excused by mental health struggles. You deserve to be treated properly and to have clear boundaries in place.

If you don’t feel respected in your relationship, that’s a problem that needs to be addressed one way or another.

Stagnation and Unmet Needs

It’s common for people in a relationship with someone with mental illness to feel like their life is on hold. You don’t feel equally important, and you are just waiting for this to improve until you can start living again.

This isn’t fair to you, and the situation can just drag on for years. Even if you feel guilty at first, it’s necessary to pursue changes that return your sense of self worth.

The Role of Boundaries in Healthy Relationships

In the moment, setting boundaries in your relationship can feel selfish. You might feel like you are abandoning your partner by drawing specific lines that can’t be crossed. That’s not the case, however. If you are emotionally drained, you need to set boundaries as a form of self preservation. Continuing to give and give of yourself is a pattern that isn’t leading to a good place.

There are many different ways you can set healthy boundaries. You can say “no” to unreasonable demands, take time for personal activities and hobbies, and refuse to tolerate verbal abuse. Or, as another form of a boundary, you could ask your partner to seek professional help or look into support groups.

If your boundaries are respected, there may be hope for this relationship to heal. On the other hand, if the boundaries are regularly crossed, deciding to move on may be the only viable option.

What are Signs You May Need to Walk Away from Someone With a Mental Illness?

Speaking of moving on, it may be helpful to zoom in on some specific signs that walking away from a relationship is the right choice to make. Every relationship is unique, of course, and there are many factors to consider, but the points below are indicative of a relationship that may be beyond help.

The Person Refuses to Seek Help

Support from a loved one does not replace treatment. Your partner needs to seek guidance from a qualified professional. That could mean getting therapy, taking medication, or some combination of the two. However it plays out, if they are unwilling to get help, they aren’t doing their part to help improve the relationship and brighten the prospects for the future.

There is only so much you can do in terms of suggesting professional help. You can be encouraging and supportive, but if they won’t do it, that might be a dead end. Everyone is responsible for their own healing, no matter how much you may want to assist.

You Feel Constantly Drained

A healthy relationship doesn’t leave you feeling drained. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. A good relationship gives you energy and optimism, leaving you feeling happy and fulfilled. When you are with someone with mental illness, however, that’s often not how it goes.

When you wake up in the morning and look at the day ahead, how do you feel? Is there an overwhelming sense of dread or tension hanging over your day? That’s not a good sign.

You should be able to completely relax and unwind in your own home. Even if your mind isn’t ready to admit that the relationship should be over, your nervous system will tell the story.

The Relationship is One-Sided

Another sign of a healthy relationship is an equal emotional exchange between both parties. There is nothing wrong with one partner supporting the other at times, as that is perfectly normal and healthy.

What’s important is that the support flows both ways. You each lift each other up when you are down, and both partners benefit from the connection.

It’s when relationships are one-sided that problems tend to develop. If you are only playing a caregiving role, or when your needs are regularly minimized, you aren’t being treated fairly.

Patterns of Abuse or Manipulation

Mental illness does not excuse abuse. It is not okay for you to be abused in any way, physical or mental, simply because your partner has mental health struggles.

If you are being verbally attacked, controlled, or manipulated, walking away is necessary. You are equally important in this picture and deserve to do what is best for your life.

Your Mental Health is Declining

Sadly, one person dealing with mental health difficulties can wind up dragging another person into a similar situation. You might find that after trying to lift up your partner for so long, you too are now feeling anxious, depressed, or hopeless.

It’s important to stop this downward spiral before it goes too far and gets difficult to pull yourself back out again.

How to Make This Decision With Clarity

You never want to make such an important decision in a quick or impulsive manner. And you certainly don’t want to make this choice when you are angry or frustrated. Rather, you should look for a moment of calm and clarity to think through everything carefully.

Zoom out and think about the pattern of the relationship over time. Have you just been through a bad month, or has the same type of behavior been going on for years? Have you tried to set boundaries only to have them broken? If nothing has worked while more and more time has passed, the decision may start to become clear.

Moving Forward is Possible With Support at Purpose Healing

It’s hard to build and maintain healthy relationships. If you have been in a relationship with someone fighting various mental health conditions, the decision of whether to stay or go has likely been weighing on your mind.

While we can’t tell you what the right choice will be, we do hope that the discussion below helps you move forward with confidence in one way or another.

Whether you or a loved one needs to seek professional help with mental health treatment options or for substance abuse issues, Purpose Healing Center is the right choice. Give us a call now to speak with a friendly member of our team.

All calls are confidential, so please reach out at any time to get proven support options for your loved one today.