AA Amends Script Guidance and Examples

Heal hearts, make amends, and rediscover peace with Purpose Healing’s AA amends script guidance and examples.

A Moment of Clarity Regarding Alcohol Abuse

Marco realized that alcohol was causing him to risk everything and admitted he needed help to his parents. He started attending Alcoholics Anonymous and working on his steps. He remained faithful to meetings when school resumed.

Working on making amends, he realized that he had hurt several family members and friends by lying, verbally abusing them, and stealing. On his next weekend trip home, he admitted his faulty behaviors without allowing feelings of shame, pride, or entitlement to cloud his words. Much to his surprise, Marco’s family was willing to give him a second chance, with some new family boundaries in place.

Marco still attends AA and is successfully completing his education at ASU. He hopes to become an AA sponsor one day to encourage change in mindset in others. But for now, he’s still focusing on school.

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The Spirituality, Growth, and Accountability of Making Amends

Making amends means more than merely saying “I’m sorry.” Amends go beyond apologies and show spiritual maturity and a willingness to accept responsibility.

Living amends can help develop accountability, paving the way to immense relief and renewed commitment to restoring inner peace. Some past clients have explained how this stage helped them build better connections with their Higher Power and deepened their gratitude for having a second chance.

Amends require an honest evaluation of your past mistakes along with an effort to commit to direct amends to people wherever possible, except when the effort could harm such people. By apologizing and making the necessary correction, this step seeks inner peace and rebirth into a new, sober way of living.

The Goals of Making Amends

The ultimate goal of making amends is to repair harm caused by past wrongs and rebuild your integrity. These steps restore trust, opening the door to healthier relationships. Goals may also include self-forgiveness, forgiving others, and resolving conflicts that could jeopardize future sobriety. You may feel discomfort or stress by addressing past mistakes, but you’ll ultimately move forward in your recovery journey.

Making Amends: How to Approach the Process

When it’s time to correct past mistakes, you’ll need courage, humility, and guidance from your AA sponsor. Many like to start making amends with old friends, family members, or co-workers first. These are people you encounter daily, so it’s important to correct past mistakes without making excuses.

Who knows, maybe that coworker you could apologize to might become your biggest champion as you try to restore credibility at work.

When and How to Make Direct Amends

Direct amends ask you to have a personal conversation with the person harmed when it’s safe. A face-to-face meeting can allow you to convey your sincerity clearly. Before you reach out, pray, meditate, and reflect on/plan what you will say.

Direct amends require that AA participants acknowledge the negative specific impact they’ve caused on another. Remember that beyond apologies, they involve making things right and deciding whether to rebuild relationships. Some people aren’t ready to accept the apology or suggested reparation, and it can be hard to accept that choice. The best you can hope for sometimes is to prevent future conflicts that could trigger alcohol or drug use.

When Some Types of Amends Could Cause Harm (Making Indirect Amends)

Sometimes, good intentions of making amends can cause further harm to such people as past partners or family members.

An example of this could be a past romantic partner you physically hurt while under the influence, even unintentionally. Perhaps you can’t make direct contact with the person, but it’s equally important to make amends to such people immediately upon realizing harm has been caused.

Alcoholics Anonymous guides members to make indirect amends in these situations. That could mean writing a letter you never send, praying that the person finds peace, or making a small donation to a non-profit in their name. These amends foster clarity, self-forgiveness, and peace, each critical to staying sober.

Step 8: Reflection and Willingness to Repair Relationships

“(We) made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” – AA Big Book

Step 8 is one of those AA challenges that encourage change. You’ll make a list of each person harmed through your actions or neglect. But you must avoid language that justifies the reason for the behavior, actions encouraged to facilitate genuine remorse for past wrongs.

Step 8 Journal Prompts for Building Your Amends List

Here are six Step 8 journal prompts containing helpful language for making amends:

• Who have I harmed through my actions, words, or neglect?
• What exact behaviors or attitudes caused harm to others?
• Which damaged relationships are the most painful to consider, and why?
• How did alcohol or drug use influence how I treated others?
• What fears or excuses are interfering with my desire to make amends?

If you need additional resources to help you work on Step 8, be sure to check out our AA Step 8 free downloadable worksheets.

Step 9: Finding Effective Language for Making Amends

“(We) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” – AA Big Book

The AA 12-Step program fosters long-term recovery through spirituality growth. That often means requiring you to do uncomfortable things, like apologies issued immediately upon realizing the gravity of the harm. Our journal sheets can help you collect your thoughts before writing an amends script or letter.

Step 9 is to express regret, accept responsibility, and describe the improvements and self-growth of recovery. Avoid defensiveness or excuses and focus on empathy and the truth.

Step 9 Journal Prompts for Planning Direct Amends

Step 9 is when you really put yourself out there and make face-to-face amends. These journal reflections can help clarify things as you prepare an amends letter or script:

• What does making amends mean to me personally?
• What outcome am I hoping for—and how will I handle rejection or silence?
• How can I demonstrate genuine change through my actions, not just words?
• What is the safest, most respectful way to reach each person?
• Are there any situations where making amends might cause new harm?

Amends should be made immediately upon realizing the harm and coming up with your game plan for making direct amends.

Writing an Amends Letter: What to Do When You Can’t Meet in Person

Sometimes, distance presents challenges that encourage creative ways of making apologies. Imagine that Marco, our example from earlier, wrote a letter to his grandparents, who still reside in Mexico and have a poor phone signal, for ignoring their phone calls and dismissing their concerns.

A letter is an option when a sit-down conversation is not possible. The letter should follow the same format described for Step 9.

Working With Sponsors and Counselors for Guidance

Your AA sponsors and professional counselors are your partners during this process. They’ll help you prepare, discuss your motives, and help you stay grounded.

The amends process is challenging by design, so be sure to look after your own self-care, including attending meetings and therapy appointments.