How to Help A Failure to Launch Adult Child

Empower a failure to launch adult child to grow, heal, and thrive with expert support from Purpose Healing.

Set Boundaries for Children Experiencing Failure to Launch

When young adults find that adulthood is knocking at their door, they might have trouble learning to function independently. If they have always relied on you to provide for them and solve their problems, then it may be an uphill battle to encourage independence.

However, it’s crucial that parents implement boundaries for young people struggling in this area.

For example, you may have provided clothing and toiletries for younger children. Once your child is an adult, enrolled at a community college, or starting a real job, you may require them to take care of these expenses on their own to foster independence.

You could also set minimum responsibilities, such as taking care of themselves without prompting, getting a job, helping at home, or enrolling in some kind of class to further their opportunities.

Stop Accommodating Them, Even When It’s Uncomfortable

One of the main reasons adult kids have failure to launch syndrome is that their parents have always taken care of both their needs and wants. While it’s good to provide the necessities for your young adult, you may not be doing them any favors by providing for their every desire.

From now on, force them to do the things that they are capable of doing on their own.

Assign them nights where they get used to cooking meals. Let them do their own laundry. They should clean their own living spaces and pay some of their own bills, even if you don’t want them paying rent.

Once you start task initiation, make sure you highlight and praise the things they did well without overly criticizing their flaws. It will take practice for all of you to adjust to this new way of life. If they begin to flounder, it may be time to propose professional help for your adult child once more.

Get Accredited Treatment Programs at Purpose

Reframe Your Conversations Around Mental Health Issues

We have all heard the old adage that honesty is the best policy. The truth is that you can’t force your young adult to seek help when they don’t launch as you would hope. Instead of telling them that you suspect they have failure-to-launch syndrome, try to explain the benefits of getting help.

For example, you could highlight the benefits of financial independence, self-care, handling their own living arrangements, and more. When they can clearly see what they would gain from treatment, it may inspire them to reach for that improved future.

Let them know that you will offer immediate support, but keep strong boundaries in place. You can even show them several treatment options with our programs (we offer medical detox, inpatient, PHP, IOP, and outpatient settings) to help them choose a program that is the right fit for them.

Foster Listening Skills, Empathy, and Communication

When well-meaning parents are fed up with their kid’s inability to gain independence, it often surfaces in a lack of clear communication in the family home. You might be angry and overly frustrated by a lack of progress. In turn, this leads to yelling and conflict that stresses everyone in the home.

Start by practicing good listening skills and positive reinforcement. Praise your young person for what they are doing well instead of always harping on their shortcomings.

If you find face-to-face communication a challenge, enlist the help of a family therapist for all of you. It could also be as simple as using technology. Send a positive text instead of setting the stage for a new argument. Leave a note for them to find.

Communication is also key if you want to discuss the possibility of treatment for failure to launch. Young adults may not be eager to hear that they have this common condition, but clarity can convince them to seek guidance.

Model Mental Health Care for Young Adults Still Living at Home

Many young adults are averse to the idea of therapy. They think enrolling in counseling means that they are admitting something is “wrong” with them. However, family members and parents can show that the clinical relationship is something healthy, worthwhile, and rewarding.

Parents of young adults struggling with failure to launch might even require some help themselves. It can be draining to have a youth who seems to need constant help, guidance, and financial support. You may find that a therapist helps you to frame treatment in a new light for your child’s growth.

Share what therapy means to you and normalize it as much as possible. Seeing another way of looking at mental health care can really change opinions and reduce stigma around therapy.

Provide a Safe Space to Process with Family Therapy

Unfortunately, family dynamics often play a role in how teens will eventually enter young adulthood. Even the best parents might have issues with supporting their young person as they take on more and more adult responsibilities, like a career or higher education.

The young adult might need an objective third party to help them navigate familial relationships. If you find that you and your progeny are struggling to communicate with one another effectively, the entire family may benefit from a family therapist.

You can frame this to young people as help for your relationship rather than a therapy aimed at getting them to do the things your child struggles with, like social skills, holding down a job, and independence.

Teach Real-World Skills and Highlight the Reason

The problem for many parents is that parental accommodations often act as a buffer for young adults. It can be a really challenging transition for parents to see how their own behavior results in their offspring developing severe failure to launch.

One of the most immediate things you can do is teach your young adult the real-world skills they need to hold down a steady job, enroll in school, or live independently. Teach them to show up on time, to clean the house, and how to achieve common household responsibilities.

If you and your child struggle to communicate and develop these skills, then it may be a good idea to tell them that they can learn some of these life skills in programs like the ones Purpose Healing Center offers.

Permit Failure and Encourage Growth

Of course, your young adult ‘kid’ isn’t going to immediately start to thrive when you offer them some of these practical tools. They might suddenly have many responsibilities that they need to take care of with healthier boundaries in place. What happens if they fall on their face?

Parents will be tempted to come to the rescue and bail their kids out of a tough situation. But you should resist the urge to solve it for them. Failure can be a great catalyst for growth and development.

Plus, it may help them to uncover some self-doubt about their innate ability to take on adulthood. Once they realize that they cannot do it on their own, they may be more receptive to your offer of help at our treatment centers.

Teach them to try new things and give them the opportunity to fail whenever you can. You never know what they will learn by experiencing failure.